1. Eat It
  2. Midnight Star
  3. The Brady Bunch
  4. Buy Me A Condo
  5. I Lost On Jeopardy
  6. Polkas On 45
  7. Mr. Popeil
  8. King Of Suede
  9. That Boy could Dance
10. Theme From Rocky XIII
11. Nature Trail To Hell

Midnight Star

I Lost On Jeopardy

Oh-oh-oh-oh

I was there to match my intellect on national TV
Against a plumber, oh, and an architect, both with a PhD
I was tense, I was nervous, I guess it just wasn't my night
Art Fleming gave the answers
Oh, but I couldn't get the questions right, -ight, -ight

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)

Well, I knew I was in trouble now
My hope of winning sank
Oh, 'cause I got the Daily Double now
And then my mind went blank
I took Potpourri for one hundred
And then my head started to spin
Well, I'm givin' up Don Pardo
Just tell me now what I didn't win, yeah, yeah

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)

That's right, Al--You lost. And let me tell you what you didn't win: a twenty colume set of the Encyclopedia
International, a case of Turtle Wax, and a yeard's supply of Rice-A-Roni, the San Francisco Treat. But that's not all.
You also made yourself look like a jerk in front of millions of people. You brought shame and disgrace to your family
name for generations to come. You don't get to come back tomorrow. You don't even get a lousy copy of our home
game. You're a complete loser!

Don't know what I was thinkin' of
I guess I just wasn't too bright
Well, I sure hope I do better
Next weekend on The Price Is Right, -ight, -ight

I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby (oooh)
I lost on Jeopardy, baby



Polkas On 45


by Al Yankovic

Lyrics:

They tell us that we lost our tails
Evolving up from little snails
I say it's all just wind and sails
Are we not men, we are Devo
Are we not men, D E V O

Smoke on the water
And fire in the sky
Smoke on the water

(I'm A Man) I'm a boy
(I'm A Man) Well, I'm your mother
(I'm A Man) I'm a one night stand
(I'm A Man) Am I by
(I'm A Man) I'm your slave
(I'm A Man) I'm a little girl when we make love together

Hey, hey, hey
Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it
Better, better, better, better, better, better, yeah

L.A. woman, you're my woman
Got my mojo risin', Mr. Mojo risin', hey

In-a-gada-da-vida, honey Don't you know that I love you In-a-gada-da-vida, baby Don't you know that I'll always be true
Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand
Hey Joe, where you goin' with that gun in your hand
Gonna shoot my old lady
Caught her messin' 'round with another man

Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo.
Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. Yoddle-ay he-hoo.
Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo.
Yoddle-ay-ee, yoddle-ay-he-hoo. Yoddle-ay he-hoo.

I'm an ordinary guy burnin' down the house

I'm hot blooded, check it and see
Got a fever of a hundred and three
Come on, baby, do you do more than dance
I'm hot blooded, hot blooded

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watchin' you

Darling, you gotta let me know
Should I stay or should I go
If you say that you are mine
I'll be here 'till the end of time
But you gotta let me know, woh, woh, woh
Should I stay or should I go

But it's all right now, in fact it's a gasp
But it's all right, Jumpin' Jack Flash is a gasp, gasp, gasp

People try to put us down (talkin' 'bout my generation)
Just because we get around (talkin' 'bout my generation)
Singley do look awful c-c-cold (talkin' 'bout my generation)
Hope I die before I get old (talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation (talkin' 'bout my generation)
This is my generation, baby (talkin' 'bout my generation)
(talkin' 'bout my generation)
My, my, my, my, my, my generation (my generation)
Well, talkin' 'bout my g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-generation


Mr. Popeil


I need a Vegematic!
I need a Pocket Fisherman!
I need a handy appliance
That'll scramble an egg while it's still inside its shell!
(Operators are standing by
How does that make you feel?)
Help me
Mr. Popeil

I wanna shine some pennies!
I wanna mend some leather!
I wanna Krazy-Glue my head to the bottom of a big steel girder!
(Please, no C.O.D.'s
Don't miss out on this deal)
Ah, help me
Mr. Popeil

Help me
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil

(Wo-o-wo-o-ohhhhhh)
It slices
It dices
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it
But you wouldn't want to!

Mr. Popeil, I'm in trouble
Need your assistance on the double
Oh no! Now how am I gonna make
My old vinyl car top look like new?
Mr. Popeil
Tell me, what am I s'posed to do?

Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil

(Now how much would you pay?)
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Don't answer yet
Just look what else you get!
(Now how much would you pay?)
If you order today
You get a Ginsu knife and a smokeless Ashtray!
(Now how much would you pay?)
Now how much would you pay?
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil

Make me buy a Garden Weasel!
Make me buy a Bamboo Steamer!
Make me take advantage
Of this amazing TV offer!
(Call our toll-free number
We'll make you such a deal)
Aw, help me!
Mr. Popeil
I want it
(Mr. Popeil) Well, I need it!
(Mr. Popeil) I got to got to got to have it!
Mr. Popeil
Mr. Popeil
Hey!

King of Suede


There's a sale on our gabardine suits today
They're all thirty percent off from yesterday
There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed
Just a Visa or Mastercard is all you need
We've got every color, we've got ev'ry shade
We're located next door to Willy's Fun Arcade
We got every fabric that was ever made
But I'm known in this city as the King of Suede

We got portly and regular and extra-long
(Is my size up there?)
We got tailors to fix it, if it comes out wrong
(Is my size up there?)
We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick
(Is my size up there?)
With the collars ripped off, like that Flashdance flick
(Is my size up there?)

Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid
You can buy off the rack, or have it custom made
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade
'Cause of my reputation as the King of Suede

If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom
(Is my size up there?)
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan
(Is my size up there?)
We got jackets with patches on the elbows, too
(Is my size up there?)
And we'll sell 'em all factory-direct to you
(Is my size up there?)

Well, I never made it past the second grade
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made
'Cause I'm known the world over as the King of Suede

There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose
Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes

King of Suede

Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale
(Is my size up there?)
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail
(Is my size up there?)
There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today
It's the same old sale as yesterday

Thirty years in the same location I have stayed
There I am, right next door to Willy's Fun Arcade
I got tough competition but I'm not afraid
'Cause it's my destiny to be the King of Suede

King of Suede
King of Suede
King of Suede
I'll always be King of Suede
I'll always be King of Suede

That Boy Could Dance


We all used to call him Jimmy the Geek
He was a dumb-lookin', scrawny, little four-eyed freak
He never used to hang around with the guys
He'd just sit in the corner, attractin' the flies

He wasn't much to look at
He never was very bright
But at least there was one thing that he could do all right
That boy could dance

He was kind of a jerk
He was kind of a bore
But the women would scream when he walked in the door
'Cause one thing I could tell you for sure
That boy could dance

Picking teams, he would always be last
He couldn't run very far
He couldn't think very fast
If he was on your side, you'd always lose
The guy had a problem, even tying his shoes

He never passed his drivers test
He was always afraid of cars
And he had a complexion that resembled the surface of Mars
But that boy could dance

Well, his hair was a mess
And his clothes didn't fit
He smelled pretty bad, and he drooled just a bit
But you gotta admit
Boy, that boy could dance

Now that boy is much older
He's got his own dance studio
He's got a teeny bopper fan club
Yeah, he's got his own TV show
Now he owns half of Montana
They all call him "Diamond Jim"
And you know I'd do anything if I could be just like him
'Cause that boy could dance

Theme from Rocky XIII


Fat and weak, what a disgrace
Guess the champ got too lazy
Ain't gonna fly now, he's just takin' up space
Sold his gloves, threw his eggs down the drain

But he's no bum, he works down the street
He bought the neighborhood deli
Back on his feet, now he's choppin' up meat
Come inside, maybe you'll hear him say:
Try the rye or the kaiser
They're on special tonight
If you want, you can have an appetizer
You might like our salami, and the liver's all right
And they'd really go well with the rye
Or the kaiser

Never eats while on the job
He heard it's good to stay hungry
But he makes a pretty mean shish kabob
Have a taste, they were made fresh today

Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white
Maybe I can suggest an appetizer
Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight
But you just can't go wrong with the rye
Or the kaiser

So today, his deli comes first
Still he dreams of his past days of glory
Goes in the back and beats up on the liverwurst
All the while you can still hear him say:

It's the rye or the kaiser, it's the thrill of one bite
Let me please be your catering advisor
If you want substitutions, I won't put up a fight
You can have your roast beef on the rye
Or the kaiser

The rye or the kaiser
The rye or the kaiser
The rye or the kaiser...

Nature Trail to Hell


Coming this Christmas to a theatre near you
The most horrifying film to hit the screen
There's a homicidal maniac who finds a Cub Scout troop
And he hacks up two or three in every scene

Please don't reveal the secret ending to your friends
Don't spoil the big surprise
You won't believe your eyes when you see

Nature Trail to Hell
Nature Trail to Hell
Nature Trail to Hell
In 3-D

Nature Trail to Hell
Nature Trail to Hell
Nature Trail to Hell
In 3-D

See severed heads that almost fall right in your lap
See that bloody hatchet coming right at you
No, you'll never see hideous effects like these again
Till we bring you "Nature Trail to Hell--Part 2"

So bring the kids along, it's good clean family fun
What have you got to lose
If you like the six o'clock news, then you'll love

Nature Trail to Hell
Nature Trail to Hell
Nature Trail to Hell
In 3-D

Nature Trail to Hell
Nature Trail to Hell
Nature Trail to Hell
In 3-D.